Concerts

I've been to a bunch of concerts. Pretty much all of them have been within the last 10 years, since I was old enough to go without my parents. I've seen rock bands, jam bands, country artists, pop, etc. Bottom line, I've been to enough concerts to conclude that they are one of the most over-rated things in American culture.

People say to me, you don't like going to concerts? Are you crazy? No, I'm not because I've gone through the same routine about 30 times and it's always the same.

First, I hear about the artist that is coming to town. Then I go and buy a ticket, which was way over-priced for 90% of the concerts I've been to. Unless it's a jam band, then you probably arn't going to get anything much more than you get on their album. No improv, cool guitar solos, or a great cover of a song where they gave the song a face lift and it was awesome. So do I really have to pay $40-50 to see them play for an hour and a half?

Assuming you don't have to travel any distance to see this concert, you pay for parking, then go to your seat. Or maybe there are no seats at the concert, just a bunch of people standing in front of the stage. If that's the case then you can forget about concessions unless you want to give up your spot, which you may have sacrificed 2 hours of your time, endured sweaty armpits in the face, and seen a couple worthless opening acts to get. But maybe it's at a good venue where you have a seat and you can enjoy the opening acts in a comfortable atmosphere. So after talking really loudly (if your in an arena) to your friends for an hour or two it's finally time for the artist you came to see take the stage.

If you're in front of the stage then without a doubt you are standing up. I really don't like standing up at a concert. What's the point? Unless your going to dance with your significant other, what is the point? And most likely you can't dance with them because you are squeezed between a bunch of sweaty people you don't know. But maybe you have a seat. Well, the person in front of you is probably going to stand up when they start playing their hit songs so you can either stand up too or just not see it. But why do you need to see it anyway, arn't you there to listen. Concerts are pretty boring to watch unless they have pyrotechnics. I mean, just watch one on TV. Bor-ing. So whether you are sitting or standing, what exactly do you do with yourself at a concert? Assuming you arn't that person who gets completely hammered and is flailing their arms up and down, what do you do? Should I dance? No, don't really care to stand here and dance like a moron. Should I raise my hands and act like I'm having some kind of incredible connection with the song? I don't think so. What I'd really like to do is sit here, or stand here, eat my nachos and drink a beer while talking to my friends with the band playing in the background. And when it comes to a song we really love, we'll stop and sing-a-long. But it won't be background music, instead it will be really loud and if it is in an arena then my ears are going to ring for about 5 hours afterwords.

And what's up with the people at concerts? If you go to a rock concert, it's a bunch of bikers and weirdos wearing black shirts and nasty hair. If you go to a jam band concert, it's a bunch of hippies...a pop concert a bunch of teenage girls screaming, a country concert there a ton on rednecks. For me, just a regular middle-class suburban white boy, the only concerts I can go to where people look like me is for an artist whose members average age is 60+. But really those are the best concerts to go to and not because people look like I do. It's because the musicians giving the show don't find it important to intoxicate themselves before or during the show, and they are at the top of their craft having done this for many years. So I'm basically saying they are professionals. I want them to entertain me, that means a sober performance with good instrument playing and engaging music.

The only reason I can think of to go to a concert is if someone gave me a ticket. There is just no reason to pay for all these annoyances. Instead of spending $45 on a ticket, maybe I'll just buy 3 of their albums and enjoy them repeatedly in the comfort of my own home.

JB